BTSB takes SixDegrees to court. I understand the jury has reached a verdict. Is this correct?

It is, Your Honor.

What is the verdict?

We, the jury, find the defendant, SixDegrees, guilty as charged in Count I of the indictment of bad journalism; that is, of Ennui, for example, in the authorization, production, and publication of an article about the invention of the hand-held cheese slicer, which was so unbelievably boring that most members of this jury had to be convinced it wasn’t actually a piece of discarded wallpaper.

We, the jury, find the defendant, SixDegrees, guilty as charged in Count II of the indictment of bad journalism; that is, of Absurdity, for example, in the authorization, production, and publication of an article which stated, in its very first sentence, that Paola Suhonen was “a household name all over the world”, because all the members of this jury live in the world, live in houses, are able to converse, and still have never heard of either a Mr. or a Mrs. Suhonen.

We, the jury, find the defendant, SixDegrees, guilty as charged in Count III of the indictment of bad journalism; that is, of Laziness, for example, in the authorization, production, and publication of at least one article that used the open-source encyclopedia website, Wikipedia, as a reference point, which proves the prevalent existence of such lethargy at their office that neither author, editor, nor typesetter would do anything about such an immature action and that all three would believe that the number of elephants in Africa has tripled in the last couple of years.

We, the jury, find the defendant, SixDegrees, guilty as charged in Count IV of the indictment of bad journalism; that is, of the Violation of English Grammar, for example, in the authorization, production, and publication of an article that used an exclamation point to exclaim the days when one can not reserve a table at a certain restaurant, by saying “except Sundays and Mondays when it’s shut!”, which confused the jury as to whether the exclamation point served to make the quoted statement a joke, an outcry, a command, or just a shameful use of punctuation.

We, the jury, find the defendant, SixDegrees, guilty as charged in Count V of the indictment of bad journalism; that is, of Repeated Failure to Reach Their Potential, for example, in the authorization, production, and publication of a monthly paper that always, always wastes its readers’ time.

We, the jury, find the defendant, SixDegrees, guilty as charged in Count VI of the indictment of bad journalism; that is, of Contemptibility, for example, in the authorization, production, and publication of a monthly journal so unimportant as to not warrant a readership nor a concern for its awfulness, and to make this jury feel alone in both of these matters and foolish for caring.

[tags]BTSB, SixDegrees, Finnish papers[/tags]