There is an old joke, about a German, a Frenchman, and a Finn being asked to write a book about the noble beast, the Elephant. The Frenchman produces ”Elephant and the art of love”. The German, a thousand page opus ”The philosophical and metaphysical life of the Elephant, volume 1”. And the Finn: ”What does the Elephant think about Finland?”

On regular basis, there surfaces a tendency to bemoan whatever cultural feature or trait which is supposedly unattractive to foreigners. A column in the free newsrag Metro just recently suggested we should greet everyone we meet in the course of our day, treat every single person passing us by as an encounter. This notion, the preposterousness of which is immediately obvious to everyone not hailing from Bumfuckville, pop. 31 and a chicken, got printed anyway, since the reason for this absurdity was that the Elephant should like us better should we adopt the American friendliness. (Americans do not greet every single passerby, but facts don't usually get in the way of the Elephant discussion). Whichever way, if someone wants to be immersed in culture of US of A, they would be likely to just head there instead. We're perfectly good Finns, why attempt to be cut-rate something else?

Finland is for the Finns. I am not saying that the ”neofinns” should be excluded in any way -if your home address is on Third Line, or in Kontula, Kouvola or Kotka for that matter, you're a Finn, never mind what your passport says or what your first language is. This country is for you just as much as it is for me. But this is not the Elephant whose acceptance is being desperately sought. Despite, or possibly because, of the fact that trying to be nice to the new arrivals would actually make sense, seeing how we expect to live with them in the future as well. Alas, no. The Elephant may be a tourist from Japan or an international student (preferably from an affluent country), perhaps a journalist for The Gruadian. The Elephant is an amorphous creature, perhaps interested in design, or in classical music, or in a certainty that there are no scruffy-looking locals visible from the tourist bus. All Elephants do have in common, however, that they do not intend to live in Finland at any point and have but a passing interest, if any, in the whole place. The Elephant, in most cases, does not know how desperately the decision- and opinion makers of Finland hope to please it. If some irreverent Finn happens to inform the beast, it tends to find this highly amusing and just as highly incomprehensible.

We tear down free, citizen-oriented spaces in the central areas where they'd be convenient for the actual people, because the Elephant supposedly likes expensive design better. We spend loads of money on various campaigns on marketing the country to the Elephant. We regularly bemoan the citizenry's lack of consideration for the Elephant's taste, and demand that all citizens great and small shouldn't as much as get on a bus without making sure our bus-entering etiquette is okay with the Elephant.  We close down practice spaces for local bands playing for the love of music and  fund projects for styling same local bands so that they look better on MTV (nobody watches MTV). And by now powers that be are even getting impatient with the Elephant itself for its lack of appreciation -according to HS 23.9.14, Erasmus-responsible Anne Siltala declares that the most common reason for foreign students to head here, namely metal music, is just a sign of youthful irresponsibility. Not that they, you know, like it more than prestige of Aalto design or whatever it is that an expensive ad agency came up with and they're *supposed* to like. The Elephant's job is to produce an air of continental refinement, and it's not allowed to up and be delighted with Lordi and Snägäri.

Now, after living abroad for a decade, I know quite a few Elephants. I have never, ever in the course of my entire existence met one who admired Finland for design, or the Music House, or the possibility of a Guggenheim, or widely spoken English. The ones who end up here usually do so by accident, and the ones who stay like the weirdness. To quote an Elephant: ”at least everyone doesn't babble all the time. So peaceful”. The ones who like us, like us exactly as we are. And while it's true most Elephants care little for our sorry asses, seeing they do not know we exist, well, so what? Why are we so desperate to win some popularity contest of countries, more so when the goddamned contest has one entry, namely us, since nobody sane cares?

Sure, we ought to be helpful to foreigners who actually come to live here for whatever reason and take their wishes in proper consideration. I am not at all railing against that, that's just basic decency. But of all the weird and incomprehensible-to-foreigners traits in the Finnish culture, I wish to alter this one: forget that fucking Elephant.