“Hey girlie, bring us another round, “ shouts the slightly intoxicated, plump older gentleman as he “affectionately” pats me on the thigh to set me on my way. I twist my face into what could be mistaken for a smile and briskly walk behind the counter to take my anger out on four innocent beer bottles.

In my four years of waitressing I was continuously baffled by the transformation that often took place when people entered a customer service situation; ordinary fellow human beings became the aristocrats of bygone days. I’ve experienced a pretty wide array of rude behavior, from the strange temper tantrums to being mistaken for a walking tray, and the regularity of the behavior often made me wonder whether there was a handbook of snobbery customers read before coming for dinner. Eye contact is to be avoided at all cost. It gives the waitress a wrongful impression of equality. Do not hesitate to take an important business call in the middle of ordering; the staff is paid to wait on you. Pleasantries such as “thank you”, “have a nice day” or “we’re sorry we are 45 minutes late” are strongly discouraged, as true gentlefolk do not waste courtesies on those unable to appreciate them. Blissfully ignoring operating hours, is perfectly acceptable; it sends a clear message of authority to the staff. In conclusion, keep interaction with the servants short and to the point, demand respect and exercise authority.

Perhaps the problem is in the word itself. Who, after all, provides service other than a servant? And as we all know, in our post-millennial class society, servants are to be handled with authority! All hyperbole aside, the sad reality is that customer service situations in Finland often unveil attitudes I wish had gone extinct by now.

Some of what looks like snobbery might in fact be nothing more than general awkwardness. Small talk is not our culture’s strong suit, especially when sober, which is fine since we’ve mastered the art of avoiding pleasantry exchange with strangers. But restaurants (and other customer service situations) present a colossal challenge and force us to a place where our comfort zone is just a faint line in the distance. What are you really supposed to say to a waitress anyway? “Is that tray really heavy?”, “ how many plates can you carry at a time?” No, that sounds ridiculous, and no one wants to be a laughing stock. So, Finns opt for the more comfortable practice of social distancing; no eye contact and abrupt answers. It’s unfortunate, but understandable.

There are, however, customers who lack a forgivable excuse for rude behavior. Some people truly want to exercise the power that flashing their collection of precious metal credit cards gives them. What restaurant is willing to throw out a customer behaving like a douchebag, when they’re bringing in substantial revenue flow? I sincerely wish more restaurants would. Money shouldn’t justify disrespectful behavior in any circumstance. And in a better world the scales would tip in favor of mutual respect and politeness.

So, why is it still acceptable to act like a d*ck in a restaurant? I think partly, because “the customer is always right”. This expression—coined somewhere high up on the executive level, I presume—creates an ugly power hierarchy and undermines the professionalism of the service staff. It’s also just not true. Customers are definitely wrong sometimes; meat doesn’t cook in 5 minutes, operating hours are not suggestions and whether a customer believes it or not, the people working it restaurant only have two hands. Partly, it’s still acceptable, because there is an underlying assumption that contempt is an unavoidable job hazard in the industry. But just like everything else in society, customer service interactions are socially constructed agreements, to which both parties comply. By saying, “disrespectful behavior is just part of job, don’t take it personally”, the service personnel are doing their part in keeping old customs alive. It’s a two-way street, where both parties carry blame, but where both equally have the opportunity to change the way things are done.

While this whole issue is not the gravest injustice of the modern world, it is an unnecessary and hurtful phenomenon. On the tram ride home, after 10 hours on my feet, I didn’t remember the triumphs and successes of the day. I’d remember the clicking fingers in table two or the couple in table four that had made me jump through so many hoops and left without so much as a quick thank you. Someone could easily say that obviously I just wasn’t cut out for the job, but that’s sad, because it means that despite all the talk of equality, we’re still willing to accept that it’s not a principle that should apply everywhere, always. Behind the roles are people with actual human emotions. Recognizing this might be a step toward more positive and mutually satisfying customer service culture.