Guest Writer Satu Ikäheimo: Absolute Mortality

i.

i am punctured blood spilled
standing on the street corner
screaming until the police are called
i am put under arrest
for disturbance of the peace so
i cut my lungs out and
burn them as a symbolic gesture and
am put in prison for political upheaval
now i am screaming in my head the
way i did when i was a hollow child
no organs just thick skin and steel bones
broken at the spine

ii.

my cellmate is a tall, strong man
whose perfect body makes me cry
he lies on his side during the day and
shaves his head at night in mourning
between the silence and the damp
i deteriorate i puke out my guts
my skin peels off my legs and
my blood stains the floor
i am fined
now i am hollow again
i have not breathed in seven years

 iii.

there is no third part 

iv.

the doctor comes
he stands beside my cot to observe
he says,
think back to your childhood
this is the price of a mortal sin

v.

i want to cut my throat, run again into the city bleeding
i want them to know this is what he’s done to me
bruises paint my body where he touched me
i am frozen and i cannot scream
lying in my bed at night i think
so this is what it means to be empty
after that i commit my first suicide

vi.

this is me falling through centuries
this is me at seventeen pretending i’m not broken
brutalism fucked up my face
that wasn’t even the worst thing about my father  

vii.

the night is black like a stepping stone
sunk into water under sand
my sister says
i want to say something to you
like maybe this wasn’t meant to be or whatever
and no one matters when the night is that cold
when did her body become mine? was there a reason (comma)
nobody likes pretension: that is the matter with you
i said too many things                        
god, it wasn’t even that cold out

Illustration by Satu Ikäheimo.

Guest Writer: Satu Eleri Ikäheimo

I graduated from the University of Maine at Machias in 2015 with a BA in English, Creative Writing, and Book Arts and a BA in Media Production. I write in a desperate bid to gain immortality. Or, more accurately, I have always been fascinated with the idea that people can communicate with one another over millennia with stories, and I want to be a part of it. I write fantasy, mostly, as I like magic and myths. I also write poetry and occasionally songs. Aside from creating new worlds, I like exploring this world, wandering the forest and the sea shore, studying humans and their politics, and dreaming.