Escaping Out Of Fortress Of Solitude
The first semester is finally at an end and holiday break is here and I’ve had time to think about the autumn that has passed. So many thoughts have been running through my mind these past months and the surface though is still same. I still can’t believe this is real. Weird, right? Aside from that this autumn has disproven some of my initial fears and others in their place have materialized. Life really does work in mysterious ways.
My biggest fear starting university had been the studying part, could I after all these years know how to accommodate to that? Well, that proved to be fairly easy to conquer. Studying came to me quite naturally and I even enjoy it! My slightly neurotics tendencies of making lists and keeping a schedule of everything on my calendar have helped me quite a bit. I’m glad because I’m sure that keeping a tight schedule and following it makes managing all the deadlines that much easier, now and in future!
However, there turned out to be a part of starting university that I hadn’t even considered to be an obstacle, and that was the social side of things. I spent the last two years pretty much by myself and the social part of everything kind of threw me off. At first it was the exhaustion that followed a fully planned day full of people and socializing. Then it was the random and accidental lunch dates that occurred occasionally when I would have rather just eaten by myself. After a while, after someone pointed it out to me, I noticed that I had fallen back to my usual habits of closing out the world around me and walking with my headphones on, not noticing anyone of anything.
That particular exchange woke me up. I had gotten so used to spending time by myself that I had forgotten I could, and most definitely should, interact more with others. This had not been a thought on my first article or on my personal list of fears starting university, I had completely forgotten to think about that side. I’m glad that I was made aware of my behavior, walking by everything with a blank stare and headphones playing the newest episode of which ever true crime podcast had put out a new episode. Now I know better and I’m happier and more here. You can’t walk by life and expect that something magically happens, if you’re not fully there, you have to step out of your own fortress of solitude. Though it is perfectly acceptable to take time to yourself from time to time, just don’t make a home there.
Even though I have still lot to learn, regarding the studies and social habits, this has got to be the best autumn I have ever had. I’ve learned something new every day and I’ve been enjoying every moment of it. I have a lot to learn from all of my new friends and how to manage all this socializing but, as I highlighted on my previous think piece, this community, this group of people, thinking the same way that I do, it must be the most pleasant and definitely the best way to get used to people and socializing again. So, even though you might see me at the campus, headphones on and all, trust me that I’ve stepped out of my fortress and learning from it. After all, it’s outside of your comfort zone where the magic happens.
Photo by Henna Houttu.
