It’s a Sunday morning. Yet, my alarm goes off at 7am. I hit snooze, and stay in bed until 7:20am, when I decide I’ll be running late unless I get up. I turn on my coffee maker, get myself ready and head out the door at 7:45am. When most of the world is still asleep, enjoying their day off.
Monday through Sunday, I am both a student and an employee, in addition to being just, well, me.
I study full-time and work part-time. I love both my studies and my work, and I feel fulfilled in both. However, sometimes I wonder, why I, as a student, am not allowed to say I am tired?
You might ask, who is prohibiting me from saying that. Well, not necessarily anyone. But when I do establish this feeling, what I tend to hear as a response is something along these lines:
“But you’re a student!”
“But you only work part-time!”
“Oh, to be a student again! It was such an easy time!”
I don’t want you to tell me to go to bed an hour earlier, or to tell me how easy it is to be a student.
I’ve heard it all.
What I need in that moment, is assurance; that we all feel tired on occasion; that success does not depend on taking one day off; that everyone has days when they feel overwhelmed.
Because the thing is; when I say I am tired, I do not mean it in a “I cannot handle this” kind of way; what I mean is “I keep handling this, and I want to take it slow for a day or two”.
However, what I’ve experienced is a mismatch in people’s reactions when I tell them how I balance my weeks of work and study. Others gape at the number of hours I put into both university and work combined, while others merely tell me that it is a good balance of brainwork and physical work.
I don’t feel tired because of the number of hours I work or the lack of days off. I feel tired when I feel I’m not in control – and that feeling may creep in rather quietly, without me seeing it, and then suddenly, I find myself sleeping more, over-consuming caffeine and finding ways to keep going through the tired haze.
How does this happen then? There are several elements in life we cannot control – the seasons changing, bringing about shorter days. The assigned reading. A car breaking down. A mishap during the day. What brings about the tiredness for me isn’t a singular mishap, but a stacking of multiple events combined, whilst still attempting to excel in all your normal everyday activities.
Because the thing is, not a single person can keep up with giving 100% of themselves every single day – and I only learnt this after I started university. You’ve got to decide where you put most of your energy to and prioritize your tasks. Which I feel is easier said than done.
Now that autumn is here and the days are growing shorter and shorter every single day, I wish you, dear reader, to keep prioritization in your mind. And that sometimes it’s more than okay to prioritize yourself for the day and take it a bit slower. Go for a hike, grab a coffee, enjoy some quiet time. Move your body, take a break and do something, that makes you feel alive – because, in the end, balance requires a little bit of enjoying life alongside working.
I am also trying to take my own advice.
