Why did it have to be you?

Why, why, why out of all people was it you 

Why was it you who pulled me out of the starless dark into the blinding sun 

Who thawed me without even trying 

Turned me from a stuttered breath into starlight around you 

Held my frostbitten hands until I could move them 

Why did it have to be you 

Who swore you’d protect me from everything 

Not asking for anything in return, nothing but for me to let you 

While my heart trembled and the world shook and all I wanted to do was to speak 

Chatter my devotion before I could think better of it 

Why did you hold my scars in your palms 

Achingly soft like I was something to be treasured 

Like you would do anything for me 

Burn down the world and coat us in the ashes 

Give me your life when all I deserve is death 

Why did you love me 

So hard that I’d bare my neck for you when you’d only be gentle 

Lay down my life at your feet even though you’d never take it 

Give you everything in the world even though you only wanted me 

Kept me warm even though all I deserve is cold 

Why did you make me so warm, so comfortable 

So hopelessly fallen  

That I’d be foolish enough to stumble away from your hold 

Alone and aching onto the ground 

With no one to blame but ourselves 

Why did you make me forget my lies so well 

That I’d trade memories of sun-drenched fields and afternoons 

To tearing my fingers apart from trying to cling to you 

Soundlessly crying out after you, my throat too raw to speak 

Devotion sewing my lips shut 

I swear and I promise and I beg to forget you 

To not seek you out in the crowd 

To not worry when you go, to not hopelessly wish that you’d do the same for me 

To not follow you from all sides like the starlight you made me into 

Beyond your sight but you still in mine 

I thrash and I resist and I drag my feet 

Unwilling to sever the ties you bound between us, hand and heart 

Not able to make the final decision for me, for us 

To tear us both loose and let us drift apart 

Instead I cling to the shreds around our wrists, desperate to keep you 

Why did you have to be so good 

So unequivocally flawless and bright and warm 

Just so I could watch my lies kill you 

Watch my existence destroy you in one fell swoop 

Too deep in to ever let you go, too in love to hate your words 

Why was it you who grounded me 

Made me kind enough to realise what regret is 

Content enough to feel bereft 

Warm enough to become cold in your absence 

Light enough to make me forget the dark for a while 

Why, why, why, out of all of the people 

Did it have to be you 

That I can’t let go of 

Leaving me a frostbitten husk, blue-lipped and white-eyed 

Cast aside by my own words, numbing in the snow