Tips for the rabid perfectionist
Here we are, students and staff and everything else, trying to enjoy one of the three-ish warm months here in Finland (unless you’re in another country in which case; what does it feel like to not be cold for three quarters of the year?). It’s the season of summer jobs, temp positions, and extra courses, after which it’s time to enrol into a new semester and study up on even more things. It’s a constant cycle of experiencing and absorbing new things and sometimes we end up being a bit too hard on ourselves. We get mad when we don’t learn things immediately, fret over not understanding the new concepts we have to learn, swallow our upset when we get reprimanded and act like we aren’t jealous when someone more talented steamrolls over whatever skills we thought we’d acquired. It can be hard, nerve-wracking, frustrating and even frightening to learn new things, having to climb up that steep curve of not having the right knowledge, skills or concepts. Some of us decide to not even bother, or slip up halfway and take off, too dejected to continue. We grow up and live under the pressure of learning things and mastering them as fast as possible. Prodigies are fawned at, people take pride in their talents and enjoy watching others demonstrate things they’re good at. But what happens when you start to crack under the pressure and expectations, both from yourself and those around you. How do you deal with these things and come out stronger on the other side without calling it quits?
It goes without saying that you don’t need to be perfect. However, sometimes it takes more than a bland reassurance to make you feel at least a bit better. If you’re looking for some concrete ideas and thoughts to latch on when you start feeling less than stellar, take a page out of my uneducated and unsolicited advice book, and try out one or two of these tricks. Who knows, maybe they’ll help?
1. You only see a fraction
Think about it, really; the people you see playing at concerts, displaying their artwork or even working at an office are only a handful of people, the tip of the iceberg of people with similar interests and jobs. You only see the trained professionals, people who’ve decided to dedicate their lives to these things. I can guarantee to you that for each phenomenal talents there are millions of people just trying their best and enjoying the ride. You are allowed to be one of those people, and you’re all allowed to enjoy yourselves without comparing yourselves to the frankly unrealistic standards we get most prominently shown.
2. You deserve respect and understanding…
…and anyone who tries denying that is a bad person. You are allowed to make mistakes and, more importantly, you are allowed to defend yourself to people who reprimand you for those. People should not expect perfection, especially from someone who is not necessarily a well-trained professional. No one should expect perfection, neither you nor people observing you. This goes for all nitpicky coworkers, online commenters or even critical family members. Even if they can do the thing (which they aren’t always capable of) doesn’t mean you have to. It’s enough to try and people who can’t respect effort really should reevaluate their priorities. If your new boss or that one lecturer can’t understand that, you can always ask them to explain why exactly they expect these things from you when you are not in a position where you can do anything about them. See if they have a reply to that. They probably don’t.
3. Focus on the good
Trite but true. Sometimes a good way to combat self-criticism is to just not think about the thing that went wrong or you screwed up in, but rather focus on the better things, or even just the neutral things (for when you have one of those days). It doesn’t have to be much: you might have made a mistake at work, but hey, you showed up on time! You might have fumbled with the F chord again but damn you nailed that other transition. Your drawing might look awful, but you just baked one hell of a tray of biscuits. A lot of things happen each day, and even though the bad feels overwhelming, don’t punish yourself by living it over and over again. It’s easier said than done, I know, but it never hurts to at least try. There’s more to you than the part that made a mistake.
4. Don’t look at the end product
A strange one, maybe, but sometimes it helps if you’re the type to look at your writing and drawing the next day and decide it’s so unspeakably awful that it would probably drive an H.P. Lovecraft character insane. Just don’t look at it. Tuck away the drawing, don’t listen to the recordings, close your Word files. Just enjoy and get used to the process. You can always come back to them, but you don’t have to. This is more helpful when it comes to creative work or essays, but it’s still valid. Revision is important, but it’s not a necessity if you know you’ll end up scrapping the entire thing. Just get the thoughts and ideas out, that’s what matters. Don’t let them stew in your head. Getting them out is what matters before you lose the thoughts, ideas and inspiration. Doing the thing will already increase your skills, even if you end up hating the outcome. You got something out of it, even if it’s just venting random thoughts, and that’s all that matters.
5. Take a break
Seriously, it’s fine. A day, a week, a month, hell, years. If you don’t feel comfortable doing something, there’s no need to force yourself into it. A lot of people tell you to just keep going, even if you feel like you want to give up and you’ll never be good, but this seldom helps. I’m not telling you to actually quit, no. I’m telling you that it’s okay to take a step away and come back when you feel ready again. Forcing yourself past the point of frustration is seldom good for you. You don’t have to master things as fast as possible, you’re allowed to stop and try out other things or go back to something you’re already good at. Most people will come across unexpected difficulties in their lives, and when something like that happens, it’s okay that your work or studies will suffer. You’ll just come back stronger another day.
