How to Become the Main Character of a Cheesy Christmas Movie
You should start by deciding where you live. You have two options: New York or another big city that looks an awful lot like New York but is not actually named during the movie, or a small town that has a gazebo, town events, and a widowed inn owner who has not gone on a date in years despite the character who is all up in everyone’s business always reminding them about it.
Regardless of which one of those options you choose, the love interest is not from the same place. Either you will visit their small town because you promised your father that you would handle the sale of the inn owned by the widowed hunk or a different pragmatic hunk will visit your small town where you are busy raising money to save the town’s recreational centre, the important of which they just do. not. get. The town should have a “wood”, “creek” or “falls” in its name. Woodcreek Falls is also a viable option.
If you live in New York or Smew Smork, it is possible that the love interest is also living in that oh so busy city with busy shoppers wearing wool coats and frowns, however, they happen to hate Christmas and its busy shoppers while you are the owner of a Christmas ornament store that has been in your family for decades so you are not really in the same place, are you?
You should have a tragic backstory but not so tragic that the viewer loses all hope in humanity. Maybe a dead relative or financial struggles, however, the relative should have died several years ago to avoid devastating the viewers and the financial struggles should be about losing the quaint antique store you keep open only during the weekends, not actual real life issues that would shatter the viewer’s delicate hearts.
When designing your wardrobe, you do not need to consider the temperature of your location. It doesn’t really matter whether it is freezing or balmy, you are going to wear sweaters, cute skirts, boots, and your heart on your sleeve. You can have a snowball fight wearing a cable knit sweater and earmuffs, don’t be a baby about it.
Stock up on candy canes. You can never be caught without one. You can use them to decorate your cozy cup of hot chocolate that you drink while taking a moonlit walk with your crush while wearing a thin cardigan in a snow storm, or you can accidentally begin writing with one while said crush is watching because you are just so goofy.
At some point your love interest will be invited to have dinner at your parents’ house or vice versa. Your mom will conveniently reveal that you have not invited any other love interests to your parents’ house before (“I did not invite them, mother, you did!”) and your crush suddenly showcases their impeccable manners which would grant them an invitation to the Buckingham Palace. But this is just your regular Woodcreek Falls, they do not need to compliment your mother’s cooking. But they do it anyway… Maybe they are not so bad, you think to yourself while they help with the dishes with a big smile on their face. Except for… Oh no! You almost forgot they despise Christmas! What a kerfuffle.
You should adore baking and have a secret cookie recipe that has been passed down in your family for generations. Baking is important because it gives the love interest an opportunity to compliment your handiwork without realising the cookies were made by you. When you reveal your secret cookie prowess, they will frown before pointing out the flour on your cheek. How embarrassing!
Bonus points if you work at a bakery or your cookie recipe that is known across the land (or your small town) gets nominated at a baking competition. There is only one other serious contender who you meet when you clumsily knock over their creation. You promise to help them recreate their famous pie before the competition tomorrow. But now the roads are closed due to unprecedented amounts of snow (two centimetres) and you have to spend the night at the bakery. Both of you…
One of the main conflicts in your life has to do with deciding on a place you are going to spend your Christmases in the coming years. It is a serious crisis to have in your early thirties! Are you going to settle down in Woodcreek Falls or will you go back to Smew Smork to your dream job as the 30-year-old Very Important Publishing House Boss who somehow still does coffee runs for other employees while trying to hail a taxi in a stylish outfit? You have to decide now; it’s not like there is a market for movies of young adults going back to their hometowns because they are trying to find the true meaning of Christmas or the true meaning of their bank statements because money is just so very difficult to grasp when you are a spoiled heiress with a hidden heart of gold. Oh, wait…
