Horoscopes for December 17, 2007

The stars impart their weekly dose of wisdom for you lost souls.

	Aries March 21 – April 19 Your boyfriend may not care about your hunger and fatigue, but that isn’t going to stop you from telling him about them over and over again, is it?
	Taurus April 20 - May 20 What? Oh…
	Gemini May 21 - June 21 The fact that lives and cities are destroyed through the mining of diamonds does not hinder you in the least from wearing the precious stones. Good luck explaining that to those smelly hippies this weak.
	Cancer June 22 - July 23 You will be intrigued when you remember how easy it will be to watch football this week. And then you will remember how much your favorite team sucks.
	Leo July 24 - August 22 The stars advise you to not get in an argument this week over whether or not Kelly Clarkson sucks because you will try to argue that she does not suck, which is pointless.
	Virgo August 23 – September 22 This week, you will once again wonder why people find it so hard to say that the world is a sad, sad, place. Just look around, people.
	Libra September 23 – October 23 The jury will be impressed by the details this week. The coroner, however, will just require another piece of gum.
	Scorpio October 24 – November 21 This week will see you shaping up, shipping out, checking in, checking out, and basically doing all kinds of other normal things that can be described by stupid quips.
	Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 After this week, you’ll prove all those doubters wrong by showing that watching interviews of professional hockey players does help a person to study Neanderthals.
	Capricorn December 22 – January 19 This week you will encounter a spider. But don’t try to kill it because it could be the reincarnation of John Wayne. And if so, you could be in very big trouble.
	Aquarius January 20 – February 18 Listen up because the stars are saying this for the last time: Enrique Inglesias is sexy, his videos are sexier.
	Pisces February 19 – March 20 A wise man’s prophecy will be fulfilled this week when, at exactly 1:37, you blink- twice.