A Break-Up Letter

Hey Facebook, It would seem, considering the way you’ve been spamming my email in the past few weeks, that you haven’t fully grasped the concept of a break-up. I’m writing this to explain the reasons for me breaking up with you in hopes that it will provide you with a sense of closure.

When we first met four years ago, you mesmerized me. You were the embodiment of “cool”. You knew everyone, and everyone I knew raved about you. You brought people together and I liked that. You never forgot my birthday and you made sure all my friends remembered as well. I was never bored in your company because you always had hilarious stories to share. You certainly kept me on my toes, and I loved you for it. Your presence in my life had a strangely wonderful effect on me.

But what really made me fall for you was how you made me feel about myself. It seemed like everything I did mattered to you. Every slightly egotistic quality in me found satisfaction in you. You made my life shine and sparkle, by highlighting my good days and turning the bad ones into cute mishaps. It pet me just the way I liked, and I was a happy little kitty, purring on your lap.

I don’t know when things started going downhill, because it was so gradual. But I guess after years of bliss, it was bound to happen. Some call it the “toad-phase” of a relationship. You know, when the prince starts to look like a two-chinned, bug-eyed blob of slime. Apparently the “toad-phase” is not fatal for a relationship, but in our case the break-up was inevitable. I don’t think you changed, but rather my eyes were opened to the truth of what our relationship was doing to me.

See, your validation became my sole source of confidence. Whatever I did only had value if you gave it thumbs up. I lost sight of everything I had loved about you, when our relationship grew so chokingly co-dependent. We became inseparable to the point where the first thing I did when I woke up was check up on you. Full on obsessive behavior! You were privy to all my secrets, but I got the feeling that you were not a great secret-keeper. I started missing my own space and privacy, but more than that I missed my independence and sense self-value.

People kept telling me I wouldn’t be able to live without you, and I think I prolonged the decision in fear that they might be right. But you know I’m doing just fine. We had a great run, but honestly I’m better off without you and I believe you’ll be ok without me too.

Please stop harassing me over email! I don’t want to seem harsh, but I don’t care about your new pictures and I certainly don’t trust that you’ve “improved your look” or the “many new features” I’m missing out on. So just back off!

I’m sure I’ll see you around from time to time, given that you’re friends with most of my friends. So, I’ll see you when I see you.

Take care,


We Got Magic For You

Chief Editor's Note: Still Offside - Women in Hockey