Welcome back! First, an apology is in order. I'm sure our fanbase of 5-6 dedicated readers (Joe and I included) has been wondering over the course of the summer why we haven't published any new articles for ages. Well, believe it or not, BTSB has been enjoying a well-deserved summer vacation. Now, I know we didn't announce that we're taking a hiatus, but I'm sure even the most dull-witted of you got the jist after staring at the unchanged front page of this site for days and days on end.

Apology accepted? Thanks.

Freshmen of the Department of English at the University of Helsinki: Welcome to the wonderful world of the Department of English at the University of Helsinki (cumbersome repetition due to my lack of skills as a writer). It's great to have you here! I've already met some of you, and I'm happy to see what a lively bunch you guys are. As a 6th year student and a long-time member (of some good standing) of the department's student organisation, I consider it my duty and obligation to guide, nay, to steer, nay, to coerce you to appreciate some facts about your future as an English major.

1) Remember to study This is of paramount importance. Anyone with even the tiniest amount of ambition and goal-orientation (notice how intelligence has nothing to do with anything) should be able to graduate in the timeframe set by the University bureaucrats. No matter how much you get involved in the extra-curricular activities organised by the gazillion different groups within the University sphere, you have to remember to study. After the initial excitement is over, you'll notice that some of the lectures are just dull and don't live up to your expectations. It's like when you have a crush on someone. First it's all giggles and touching places but after the balance between routine and surprise begins to slant towards the former, you notice that your crush is hideous and puke-inspiring and you have to make a decision: should I stick with this one or look for something new. I suggest you stick, because, well, let's face it, we're not getting any younger and maybe it's time to settle down.

2) Remember to socialise This is important too. I've heard that there are people who feel uncomfortable in social situations and who have a hard time trying to make new friends. Error. Scoff. Objection. Now's the time for you to turn your life around and become what you've always wanted to be. It's time to pimp up your life! You could start by taking part in SUB's meetings and parties. No matter how ugly, stupid, mucous or bulbous you are, you will make friends there.

3) Remember to eat Just avoid the UniCafe at Metsätalo when they're serving fish lasagnette and have run out of the other courses. Shudder.

4) Remember to sleep When you're looking at your schedule for the school year, pick one or two lectures per week that you'll use for some quality napping. Just remember to rotate the lectures of choice so that you don't get into too much trouble.

Just remembering these four points got me far. Granted, I forgot point number one because I was so involved with point number two for so many years. Point number three, with respect to the fact that I did eat the fish lasagnette, almost got me killed and point number four smeared my forehead with Henry David Thoreau's musings as I chose the American literature anthology as my pillow during one very inspiring lecture. But now that I look back on my time as a student of English, I'm quite jealous of the new freshmen, since they're about to embark on a beautiful adventure full of excitement and wonder.

Screw that, I just want to graduate.

With these words I once again welcome all students and friends back to the wonderful world of BTSB.

"May you not fall from the Grace of God, for it is a long fall, and you will hurt yourself, unless you are a yo-yo, or a pillow." [tags]fear, freshmen, snakes[/tags]