Horoscopes for March 17, 2009

The stars impart their weekly dose of wisdom for you lost souls.

Aries Aries March 21 – April 19 The stars will once again take their child rearing cues from you this week, which just goes to show how good you are it.
Taurus Taurus April 20 - May 20 Your desire to be a minister and your anti-capitalist leanings will collide this week when you realize that by becoming a minister you would be working for the Man.
Gemini Gemini May 21 - June 21 Listen up, Gemini. One more gag-inducing metaphor about bugs and trees and the passage of time and you’re gonna get it, you hear?
Cancer Cancer June 22 - July 23 It’s time to pack your bags this week because you’re moving and you don’t have any friends to help you.
Leo Leo July 24 - August 22 …And the messed up thing this week and every week is that Hell wouldn’t be enough because the stars wouldn’t be able to watch you burn.
Virgo Virgo August 23 – September 22 It is imperative this week that you remember a little bit goes a long way when adding salt to that recipe.
Libra Libra September 23 – October 23 Don’t worry if the scientific evidence is stacked against you this week. If you want to believe that you are the direct descendant of Lucy and therefore entitled to all of Ethiopia, that’s your prerogative.
Scorpio Scorpio October 24 – November 21 The stars were sad to see you go this week.
Sagittarius Sagittarius November 22 – December 21 With the events to unfold this week, you will thank your parents, for the first time ever, that you live in the middle of nowhere.
Capricorn Capricorn December 22 – January 19 Hey, Shadow, enough with the secrets. The people want to know what evil lurks in the hearts of men.
Aquarius Aquarius January 20 – February 18 The stars are jealous of how much you are able to learn by just sitting around and looking around. They tried that in Spanish class and it didn’t work.
Pisces Pisces February 19 – March 20 When picking out clothes this week, remember: Black goes with everything, even skin tones. White on the other hand…

[tags]horoscopes, march[/tags]

Horoscopes for March 23, 2009

Word of the Week: Edititis