The Pawn Shop

It was a day like any other. The world was still spinning, the birds still singing, the flowers were shaking off the dreariness of the past winter. Everything was doing what it was meant to do, just like every single day and despite its repetitiveness, usually that would mean something to Richard. Now it meant absolutely nothing. Nothing sparked his interest and nothing was worth his attention. There was nothing important enough to note about anything, even though very recently he had been most astonished by how the sun danced on the soft surface of the sea. Now all of that meant nothing.

Richard could not understand what his heart wanted. Try as he might, he could not make out what it was trying to tell him. His heart was heavy. It was a fortress, growing more distant by the day as its walls were covered and cushioned from prying eyes by thick layers of ivy. The gate was long lost within the luscious green vines snaking their way around the walls. He knew it was there, but where? He would have to look deep inside, but he knew the ivy would only grow thicker if he tried to do so. Richard knew he would need help to navigate the journey to the deepest chambers of his heart or at least cut through the vines. And there was someone who could help him, he’d just have to go and ask. It had been a while since his last visit to the pawn shop, anyway.

The journey felt comfortingly familiar. Richard knew instinctively when to round a streetcorner and when to duck under the branches of a birch tree that was stretching its limbs helplessly over a garden wall. And as he hopped over a pothole that had been fixed months ago, he reached the crimson red storefront of the pawn shop. Richard opened the door and heard the bright ding of the bell above his head. He smiled weakly as the sound dimmed and disappeared into the air. The shop looked exactly like he remembered, but still somehow different this time. He remembered the shop being full of neatly organised shelves, each displayed item meticulously categorised, labelled and alphabetised. The shelves were still the same, but there was now more of everything. Everything seemed to be thrown around, as if the displays were put together in haste, and every surface was drowning in items more or less valuable. Richard had to look down to ensure that he wasn’t stepping on anything as he made his way to the empty counter at the back of the shop, and the floor creaked in protest wherever he set his feet.

“Well, well, well, what do we have here?” a voice asked. Richard raised his gaze from the floor as the clerk popped up from behind the counter. It was nice to see a familiar face.

“Hi, Madeleine.”

“Hello, love. Good to see you again.” Madeleine smiled at him. “It’s been a minute.”

“It has,” he agreed. “Thankfully.” He could barely manage a smile to begin with, but in front of Madeleine, he felt utterly powerless to even try. Besides, he wasn’t here just to catch up. And she knew that.

“I’m going to guess that was supposed to be a joke, so I’ll let it slide,” Madeleine chuckled. “So, what brings you to my little shop today? What do you have for me?”

“It’s my heart,” he sighed. Her smile faltered.

“Oh, dear. That’s quite something. Would you like a consultation or is this just a drop-off?”

“I… I don’t know Maddie. It’s never been like this. I think the ivy is getting thicker. I don’t even remember where the gate is anymore.” Richard watched as Madeleine’s brows furrowed. She looked worried, but there was a hint of something like eagerness in her eyes.

“Well, in that case we should do a consultation. I can help with the ivy if you want,” she said. Richard nodded. She nodded in a reassuring response, grabbed her wand and with a flick of her wrist locked the door behind him. She knew this would take a while, so she started gathering her things. She shoved everything into the satchel on her belt as quickly as she could: potions, cards, booklets, everything. He could only stand there and watch. He wasn’t really staring because he wasn’t entirely present but rather followed her movements from afar. Like he was watching a show on TV. Soon, however, his trance was broken as Madeleine stopped fussing over her things. She looked at Richard and extended a hand to her left, towards a small staircase that led up to her office. His feet were nearly welded to the floor, but he managed to get moving. He dragged his feet across the floor, and as he reached the bottom of the stairs, Madeleine picked up one last item from a cabinet behind the counter. She was ready. “Otto, I’ll be upstairs! The door’s locked but keep an eye up front for me, yeah?” she yelled. Without waiting for a response, she followed Richard up the stairs.

Richard knew where he was going, so he led the way. Because he was here as a customer and not a friend, he reached for the lower doorknob and opened the door to Madeleine’s office. He walked to the desk and sat in the armchair in front of it. The last couple of times Richard had seen the chair, it had been a solid colour or maybe a mixture of two, but today it was all of them. A symphony of different shades was swirling within the fabric restlessly. Madeleine stepped in, closed the door and fixed her eyes on the chair he was sitting in. She kept her gaze on it as she walked to the other side of her desk and sat down.

“Quite the sight,” she said.

“It is. I don’t think I’ve ever seen it like this,” he agreed.

“Have you ever felt like this?”

“No.”

“Yeah, that would explain the restlessness. And the state of the shop. Emotions can be tricky like that. But let’s take a look, shall we?”

Madeleine opened a small flask, took a sip and leaned back in her chair. She closed her eyes and Richard held still for a moment as he felt her step into the sea of flowing vines. He fixed his eyes on Madeleine’s body on the opposite side of the desk to ease his nerves. He would never get used to the feeling of someone stepping into his heart, his deepest being, but he had no choice now. She navigated through the vines with some difficulty, but reached the towering walls nonetheless. Richard winced as she started cutting through the thick coats of ivy, but soon the pain softened into a slight tingling and eventually nothing. He tried to focus on the Madeleine he could see so he wouldn’t interfere with her work. Madeleine’s face was neutral, and it would stay that way until she returned. Her entire body looked somehow peaceful, almost like she was asleep. And that eased his mind.

He shifted his focus to the desk between them. True to herself, Madeleine had thrown most of her papers in one big pile and managed to spill ink on at least half of them. Her handwriting twirled around each page and noted all ins and outs of the shop. On top of the papers was a small, wooden box. It was carved full of something that looked like runes, but he couldn’t quite make the symbols out, so he let it be. On the other side of the desk Richard saw cards and dice. Madeleine clearly hadn’t cleaned the table since her last client was here, but that did not surprise him. He shook his head softly, even though he knew Madeleine couldn’t see it.

Then something changed. The restless colours of his chair faded and only a soft sky blue remained. Richard focused on his heart again and could feel Madeleine shut the gate carefully as she stepped out of the fortress. His heart felt lighter, but only slightly, and he could feel the ivy slither its way over the gate Madeleine had walked through. There was a shift and she opened her eyes. For a moment they sat in complete silence, as Richard waited for an answer. The clock ticked away, but neither one spoke.

“It’s love,” she finally said.

“What?”

“Well, it’s a lot of other things as well, but mostly that. You’re in love, Richard.”

“Oh. Yeah. I guess I am.”

“What happened? Love is usually easy to detect, even through ivy that thick,” Madeleine said. Richard leaned back in the chair.

“Well, I guess I’ve been so confused by all of this. I met this amazing person some months ago and we just like, I don’t know… clicked?”

“And?”

He sighed. “Well, at first I was happy. I was floating from day to day and forgot the feeling of solid ground beneath my feet. I thought I could trust them, so I just kept floating higher and higher and didn’t stop to ground myself. Then I crashed.”

“Ah. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok. I should’ve seen it coming.”

“That’s unfair. Love, especially true love, can change anyone. And some people are unpredictable.” Madeleine smiled at him softly.

“I guess so, but still… I flew too high. And then I found out I wasn’t the only one, not by a long shot. I didn’t know who I was dedicating my life to, but I’ve never felt like this towards anyone. Or anything, really,” Richard said.

Madeleine nodded. “And the truth hurt you. You’re still in love, but also deeply hurt and betrayed. It’s a heavy burden for a young heart, so the ivy is trying to bury it in shame.”

“That would explain everything.”

“It sure would. Now, how would you like to proceed? I have some potions, or we could do weekly maintenance consultations, or—”

“I would like to pawn it,” he said. Madeleine’s smile fell.

“Are you sure? I know it’s not as final as selling it, but…” she said, raising an eyebrow.

“I am. I can’t go on like this.”

“It’ll pass. With time, and care.”

“I know. I just… I need a break from it. I need to heal my wounds before I can step in.” He was silent for a moment. “I’ve been so vulnerable. The wind has felt like a whip against my skin for weeks. I’ve been like a lost child just wandering the isles of a supermarket all by myself, looking for a glimpse of a familiar face. And it’s been exhausting. My wings may never be the same, but I have to try.”

“I understand. And I trust your judgement.” Madeleine was smiling again.

So was Richard.

“Thank you. I promise I’m not making a mistake,” he said.

“And I promise I’ll take good care of your heart while it’s here, mistake or not. Now, just sign here, please.”