When I sat down at our meeting, I said I wanted to write about aromanticism.
And then I spent way too long not writing anything at all, finally resigning myself to just skipping over this issue.
Eventually I did force myself to find the time to open up my computer and turn on some lo-fi. Which is when I realized I had no idea what it meant to write about aromanticism. My first instinct was to write about how hard it is, pour out all my negative feelings about my aromantic experiences and complain, complain, complain in an effort to get somebody to listen.
I don’t want to do that. It’s been done before. Yes, yes, it’s miserable to be like me. But accepting misery is the very opposite of pride, the theme of this issue. Instead, here are all the things I like about being aromantic. Not just tolerate, but actively like.
I like having a community. I like bonding with strangers on the internet, sharing everything from dumb memes to philosophical discussion. We’ve created constantly evolving terminology, inside jokes, art and symbolism. Aromanticism comes with a thriving culture. And how wonderful is the moment when you realize another person is aromantic too? Honestly, anytime aromaticism is brought up everywhere, that little happiness of being seen brings a smile to my face. Most recently, the word “aro” as in aromantic was found in the New York Times monday crossword. As an aromantic puzzle enthusiast, my morning was immediately brightened.
I like going on dates with myself. Anybody can do it, and I encourage them to, but for me it was realizing I don’t want to go on dates with other people that freed me to just “date myself”. Wandering through a museum, then grabbing coffee and mulling over the artwork is a great way to spend a Saturday. My thoughts exist even when another person isn’t there to hear them. Or grabbing dinner, then seeing a movie. Actually, movies are even better alone because you don’t have to share your popcorn. Then I find the soundtrack on Spotify and listen to it on the way home.
I like being independent. I’m the type of person to daydream all the time. One dream I’ve had for years is moving abroad. It’s one reason I decided to study languages and translation. When it’s just me, I have more mobility to pack up and move where I want, when I want. At home, I watch the television and cook the food I enjoy.
I like having one less thing to worry about. When I was in my teens, I remember how big of a deal dating seemed to everyone else. First kisses, nervously texting crushes. I didn’t get it. Why are you stressing out about some boy or girl when you could join me in the state of gives-no-fucks? I realized that being aromantic can be pretty chill.
I like liking myself. Again, definitely recommended for everyone, but there’s a particular way in which realizing that you’ll be your own companion in life really forces you to start enjoying your own company. Nobody else is going to take care of me, so I better start doing. It’s hard at first, but after a while it becomes incredibly liberating.
Finally, I like that there are so many aromantic people who are really smart. Aromantics who delve into psychology, sociology and cultural anthropology, writing incredibly insightful pieces about aromanticism, relationship hierarchies and amatonormativity, among other things. I really recommend looking into the discussions that can be found online! Our understanding of romantic relationships and identities also intersect with our understandings of family, community and gender roles. Thinking about and challenging our preconceived notions about the structures present in our society helps us grow as people and become more open to the world.
So, that was my list. Dear aromantic readers, stay cool. And to you and everyone else, I wish a happy pride!
